Today was a great day at Church (usually always is). For once, we actually made it to the early service. When we walked into the worship center, I saw my co-worker along with several family members. Kenny and I sat behind them. As we were sitting there, I was thinking of how just a year or so ago, I had invited my co-worker to church and she brought her Daughter. Before long, I knew they were regular attenders. Today, I learned that my co-worker had also invited her Sister, her Niece and Niece's Husband (The Niece was recently baptized). Then I also noticed that the Niece, had a Son and Daughter-in-law there too. Wow! Who would have thought about the impact that inviting one person would turn out to be a total of 7 people?
I have the benefit of working for a Christian organization, so inviting her, really didn't require me to step out of my comfort zone. However, there can be Non-Christians working at a Christian organization. I don't doubt that one bit.
I would like to encourage you that if God has placed someone on your heart to invite to your church, go ahead and step out of your comfort zone and invite them. You may never know how much that might encourage someone. Whether they attend church with you, you might be prompting them to go to church somewhere else.
I do remember a time when I invited a friend to church with me when I was a Youth. The friend did not go to church with me that Sunday, but went somewhere else. I was disappointed. The friend said to me "I thought you would be happy I was at church!" I had totally missed the point.
This week some discussion has gone on about the work we do while we are on this Earth. It's not for material gain, but for Eternal gain. Whoa! Now that got me to thinking. What are we really doing day in and day out, when this Earthly life filled with material things, really doesn't matter. It's Souls that matter.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Grief
The subject of Grief has been on my mind for quite a while now. Maybe because I have experienced it so closely, or maybe because it seems like so many friends have been experiencing loss lately.
I don't know why, but sometimes it feels like to grieve is such a taboo thing that not many want to talk about, yet everyone seems to go through it at one point or another. It's not if you experience a major loss, it’s when.
My first true round with grief was when I was 19 and lost both of my Grandfathers a month apart from each other. Then my Grandmothers died within the next 2 years. I watched my Mom grieve, but she didn't really talk much about what she was feeling/experiencing. At times, she just shut down. She was so wrapped up in grief, that I thought it had changed her to some degree.
She never really had a chance to get over the grief, when she became ill.
June 1997 - Grandpa Barnhart passed away
July 1997 - Grandpa Rivers passed away
October 1998 - Grandma Barnhart passed away
May 1999 - Grandma Rivers passed away
December 2002 - Mom passed away
It seems like so much happened at one time, and after a while, they all start to blend together, at least it feels that way when I think about my Grandparents passing.
April 9, 2002, we found out Mom had cancer. May 3, 2002, Kenny proposed.
September 14, 2002, We got married!
During the Wedding planning, all I could think and pray about was "Lord, please let my Mom be there." As it got closer to the wedding date, all I could think was "Please let her feel good." That day was such an answer to prayer.
She felt good and friends and family commented on how good she looked and the fact that they couldn't even tell she was sick. Big Praise! I remember that Day, Kim and I standing in my bedroom just thanking God for our Mom feeling good that day. It was incredible.
Even during all that time, I realize I was grieving then, too.
Planning a wedding can be stressful, I tried to go the easiest, stress-free route possible. Some friends did not understand why I didn't have a bigger bridal party, making it a bigger fuss, but I honestly couldn't imagine trying to make decisions on bridesmaid dresses or any type of details that most brides dream of doing. I just wanted to be married to my Love and have my Mom there. Somewhere, I had this feeling that if my Mom wasn't there, that I wouldn't be able to make it down the aisle. The wedding was simple, I had everything I wanted (minus a good photographer). But isn't it true that it’s not about the wedding, but it’s about the marriage? Looking back, I believe that statement is so true.
My Mom passing away, was a whole different type of grief that I have ever experienced. I felt like a big part of me was gone. The person, who knew me like a book, was no longer there to read me. The person, I called daily, was no longer there to pick up the phone.
I was recently told that when one loses a parent, they grieve the loss of their past, when one loses a spouse, they grieve their present and when one loses a child, they grieve their future.
This really hit home with me because I can identify with losing a parent and feeling like I have lost a connection to my past.
When Mom died, I had been married for 3 months and had just turned 25 only 7 days prior. I felt like there was still so much I needed to learn from her. I'm still grieving the adult relationship that I never got to have with her.
There are several scriptures out there that people will recite and remind you of, but for some reason, I just couldn't grab a hold of how valuable those words were. Today, the scripture that can stir all kinds of emotion in me is:
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:8
Have you ever been truly brokenhearted? Many have. Have you ever been truly crushed in spirit? That's one that you think you will never recover from. The good news is...God's word is always true. He does save those who are crushed in spirit. I think this scripture applies in more ways than one.
Looking back, I know the Lord was close. I don't think He's ever been closer. He held me, comforted me and guided me. As time went on, I learned to pray "Lord, turn my sorrow into joy." And that He did! I told him about my hurt, my sadness, my longing to see my Mom.
I soon realized that the things that I needed her for, I was leaning on Him. Learning that He is my Rock and not anyone else could ever take His place. That's a love story right there! A love story, of the purest kind.
It was a rough two years. Our first year of marriage had been turned upside down and it was clearly nothing like any "newlywed" would expect to experience. Mom Died 3 days before Christmas. Christmas felt miserable. We buried Mom the day after Christmas in Oklahoma. There was snow on the ground, it was a beautiful sight, but it sure was difficult to get excited over a "white Christmas" that year. Kenny and I headed back home and we opened our presents and it felt empty. Your 1st Christmas Married is not supposed to feel like that.
God gave me such an incredible man to be by my side and to allow me to grieve. Grief takes on so many properties, Anger, Sadness, ...fights over Nothing.
If there was an emotion to be found, I found it and of course, we had to deal with it! There were times I almost never left the bed. I think that's where I did most of my crying. When we moved out of that apartment, I had reached a whole different place in the grief process, that I was glad to say goodbye to that "room."
Looking back, God gave so generously to me (us), he took care of our financial needs (even as Kenny was laid off from work 6 months after we were married), he protected our marriage, healed our hurts and most importantly, He Healed...and he continues to heal.
There are special moments in life that bring up the deep sense of loss. When Grant was born, I remember that night, sitting in the hospital room just crying, wishing Mom could be there (all while Kenny snored :))
Watching my Dad and Grant interact and KNOWING what it would be like if Mom was here too. That boy wouldn't stand a chance and she would probably be living in our guest bedroom. (Not sure what Kenny would have thought about that).
Kenny was around my mom plenty of times, but because for the majority of our relationship, he was off at college, he didn't really KNOW her like he would if she was still around. I find myself getting sad over the fact that he didn't know the Woman who was such an influence on my life.
While she was in the hospital, he stopped by after work and she told me "Tera, go get your husband some tea, he just got off work!" I stood there thinking "this is not happening" and I'm pretty sure she would have turned me into the little woman of the house too!
There have been some benefits for the things we go through. I really believe that Kenny and I have a stronger marriage for the things we endured.
I have gotten to know my Dad a lot better. Before Mom got sick, I called and talked to her and would say "tell Dad Hi." It wasn't long that Dad found himself having to listen to the things that his daughter wanted to share with her mother. And he so graciously had the patience to listen and be there for me. I have had a chance to get to know my Dad, and that is a blessing.
I have always had a close relationship with my sister, but this brought us even closer. To have a sibling share in the grief and to know exactly what you are going through is very helpful. To have a sibling who relies on the Lord, who seeks Him, is a gift.
There are several Women in my life who are there for me, to listen, to give advice, to cheer me on. I believe whole heartedly that God has placed them in my life for a purpose and they will never know how truly grateful I am for their friendship and love. Along with love, is the prayers that were prayed day in and day out for us as a family. I may never know some of the people who prayed for us, but it was definitely felt and appreciated. I have learned that sometimes all you can do is to pray for someone when they are hurting. Truth is, Praying is not just a meager thing we do, it’s not minimal, it’s probably the biggest thing someone can do for you and it is Enough.
I am now aware that when someone is grieving, there are so many sides to their grief that I may never know, but I am certain that if they truly seek God, they can get through it. The hardest part is accepting his help and understanding that it’s on His timing, not ours.
I don't know why, but sometimes it feels like to grieve is such a taboo thing that not many want to talk about, yet everyone seems to go through it at one point or another. It's not if you experience a major loss, it’s when.
My first true round with grief was when I was 19 and lost both of my Grandfathers a month apart from each other. Then my Grandmothers died within the next 2 years. I watched my Mom grieve, but she didn't really talk much about what she was feeling/experiencing. At times, she just shut down. She was so wrapped up in grief, that I thought it had changed her to some degree.
She never really had a chance to get over the grief, when she became ill.
June 1997 - Grandpa Barnhart passed away
July 1997 - Grandpa Rivers passed away
October 1998 - Grandma Barnhart passed away
May 1999 - Grandma Rivers passed away
December 2002 - Mom passed away
It seems like so much happened at one time, and after a while, they all start to blend together, at least it feels that way when I think about my Grandparents passing.
April 9, 2002, we found out Mom had cancer. May 3, 2002, Kenny proposed.
September 14, 2002, We got married!
During the Wedding planning, all I could think and pray about was "Lord, please let my Mom be there." As it got closer to the wedding date, all I could think was "Please let her feel good." That day was such an answer to prayer.
She felt good and friends and family commented on how good she looked and the fact that they couldn't even tell she was sick. Big Praise! I remember that Day, Kim and I standing in my bedroom just thanking God for our Mom feeling good that day. It was incredible.
Even during all that time, I realize I was grieving then, too.
Planning a wedding can be stressful, I tried to go the easiest, stress-free route possible. Some friends did not understand why I didn't have a bigger bridal party, making it a bigger fuss, but I honestly couldn't imagine trying to make decisions on bridesmaid dresses or any type of details that most brides dream of doing. I just wanted to be married to my Love and have my Mom there. Somewhere, I had this feeling that if my Mom wasn't there, that I wouldn't be able to make it down the aisle. The wedding was simple, I had everything I wanted (minus a good photographer). But isn't it true that it’s not about the wedding, but it’s about the marriage? Looking back, I believe that statement is so true.
My Mom passing away, was a whole different type of grief that I have ever experienced. I felt like a big part of me was gone. The person, who knew me like a book, was no longer there to read me. The person, I called daily, was no longer there to pick up the phone.
I was recently told that when one loses a parent, they grieve the loss of their past, when one loses a spouse, they grieve their present and when one loses a child, they grieve their future.
This really hit home with me because I can identify with losing a parent and feeling like I have lost a connection to my past.
When Mom died, I had been married for 3 months and had just turned 25 only 7 days prior. I felt like there was still so much I needed to learn from her. I'm still grieving the adult relationship that I never got to have with her.
There are several scriptures out there that people will recite and remind you of, but for some reason, I just couldn't grab a hold of how valuable those words were. Today, the scripture that can stir all kinds of emotion in me is:
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:8
Have you ever been truly brokenhearted? Many have. Have you ever been truly crushed in spirit? That's one that you think you will never recover from. The good news is...God's word is always true. He does save those who are crushed in spirit. I think this scripture applies in more ways than one.
Looking back, I know the Lord was close. I don't think He's ever been closer. He held me, comforted me and guided me. As time went on, I learned to pray "Lord, turn my sorrow into joy." And that He did! I told him about my hurt, my sadness, my longing to see my Mom.
I soon realized that the things that I needed her for, I was leaning on Him. Learning that He is my Rock and not anyone else could ever take His place. That's a love story right there! A love story, of the purest kind.
It was a rough two years. Our first year of marriage had been turned upside down and it was clearly nothing like any "newlywed" would expect to experience. Mom Died 3 days before Christmas. Christmas felt miserable. We buried Mom the day after Christmas in Oklahoma. There was snow on the ground, it was a beautiful sight, but it sure was difficult to get excited over a "white Christmas" that year. Kenny and I headed back home and we opened our presents and it felt empty. Your 1st Christmas Married is not supposed to feel like that.
God gave me such an incredible man to be by my side and to allow me to grieve. Grief takes on so many properties, Anger, Sadness, ...fights over Nothing.
If there was an emotion to be found, I found it and of course, we had to deal with it! There were times I almost never left the bed. I think that's where I did most of my crying. When we moved out of that apartment, I had reached a whole different place in the grief process, that I was glad to say goodbye to that "room."
Looking back, God gave so generously to me (us), he took care of our financial needs (even as Kenny was laid off from work 6 months after we were married), he protected our marriage, healed our hurts and most importantly, He Healed...and he continues to heal.
There are special moments in life that bring up the deep sense of loss. When Grant was born, I remember that night, sitting in the hospital room just crying, wishing Mom could be there (all while Kenny snored :))
Watching my Dad and Grant interact and KNOWING what it would be like if Mom was here too. That boy wouldn't stand a chance and she would probably be living in our guest bedroom. (Not sure what Kenny would have thought about that).
Kenny was around my mom plenty of times, but because for the majority of our relationship, he was off at college, he didn't really KNOW her like he would if she was still around. I find myself getting sad over the fact that he didn't know the Woman who was such an influence on my life.
While she was in the hospital, he stopped by after work and she told me "Tera, go get your husband some tea, he just got off work!" I stood there thinking "this is not happening" and I'm pretty sure she would have turned me into the little woman of the house too!
There have been some benefits for the things we go through. I really believe that Kenny and I have a stronger marriage for the things we endured.
I have gotten to know my Dad a lot better. Before Mom got sick, I called and talked to her and would say "tell Dad Hi." It wasn't long that Dad found himself having to listen to the things that his daughter wanted to share with her mother. And he so graciously had the patience to listen and be there for me. I have had a chance to get to know my Dad, and that is a blessing.
I have always had a close relationship with my sister, but this brought us even closer. To have a sibling share in the grief and to know exactly what you are going through is very helpful. To have a sibling who relies on the Lord, who seeks Him, is a gift.
There are several Women in my life who are there for me, to listen, to give advice, to cheer me on. I believe whole heartedly that God has placed them in my life for a purpose and they will never know how truly grateful I am for their friendship and love. Along with love, is the prayers that were prayed day in and day out for us as a family. I may never know some of the people who prayed for us, but it was definitely felt and appreciated. I have learned that sometimes all you can do is to pray for someone when they are hurting. Truth is, Praying is not just a meager thing we do, it’s not minimal, it’s probably the biggest thing someone can do for you and it is Enough.
I am now aware that when someone is grieving, there are so many sides to their grief that I may never know, but I am certain that if they truly seek God, they can get through it. The hardest part is accepting his help and understanding that it’s on His timing, not ours.
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